Reading 139, from Theme and Variations

I constantly scour the net for some enlightened soul who might be able to guide my readers and me to some sanity, some resolution or at least someone who can voice our mute, collective angst better.

I find this post , from which I quote and borrow the image, so very near to our hearts. The writer seamlessly meditates on Into Great Silence as well as on being single and lonely.

He ( one of the monks in the movie Into Great Silence) is old, frail and blind. Based on what he said, I presume he was asked if he was afraid of dying, and this was his response:

No! Why be afraid of death? It is the fate of all humans. The closer one brings oneself to God, the happier one is. It is the end of our lives. The closer one brings oneself to God, the happier one is, the faster one hurries to meet him. One should have no fear of death. On the contrary! For us, it is a great joy to find a Father once again. The past, the present, these are human. In God there is no past. Solely the present prevails. And when God sees us, He always sees our entire life. And because He is an infinitely good being, He eternally seeks our well-being. Therefore, there is no cause for worry in any of the things which happen to us. I often thank God that he let me be blinded. I am sure he let this happen for the good of my soul. It is a pity that the world has lost all sense of God. It is a pity…They have no reason to live anymore. When you abolish the thought of God, why should you go on living on this earth? One must always part from the principle that God is infinitely good, and that all of his actions are in our best interest. Because of this a Christian should always be happy, never unhappy. Because everything that happens is God’s will, and it only happens for the well-being of our soul. Well, this is the most important. God is infinitely good, almighty, and he helps us. This is all one must do, and then one is happy.

I come once again to the fundamental belief that the greatest argument for Christianity is rooted in the greatest paradox that we can confront in our lives: how can a good and benevolent God allow so much suffering in the world? I believe that the only compelling answer to the problem of pain is rooted in Christ’s death on the cross: ultimate evil transformed into ultimate good. This wise man, living a life of constant contemplation and devotion to God has reached the point where he views his blindness as the greatest of gifts, an expression of God’s ineffable love for him. Because everything that happens is God’s will, and it only happens for the well-being of our soul. These are hard words, but they ring true.

I struggle constantly with being single, wondering why and when God will bring a companion to my life. I will not lie–I suffer greatly from loneliness. As I’ve said many times, it is without question the daily cross that I bear, and there is no question of my picking it up. It is my existence and it pains me perpetually. I have not reached the point where I can echo what this wise man has said, that I thank God for the pain of loneliness, because it is my lot and God’s will, for the betterment of my soul. But perhaps that is the lesson I’m supposed to learn though this period of a solitary life: to say with gratefulness in my heart, “thy will be done.”